Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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