This is not my ceiling
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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