please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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