i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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