last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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