sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Randomize