I think I won the penis lottery.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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