it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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