Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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