Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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