last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
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Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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