wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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