If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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