but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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