Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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