My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize