The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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