I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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