Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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