I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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