Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
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Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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