he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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