1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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