man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is Oprah even human
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize