Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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