Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize