____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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