hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
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Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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