I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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