I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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