i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
bring money and cleavage
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
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So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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