have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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