i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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