she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Don't EVER smell your tampon
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
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We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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