Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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