I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
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Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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