That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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