When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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