If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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