do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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