Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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