i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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