when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize