you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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