You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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