she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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