i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize