i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize