Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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