I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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